Cassie's Testimoney

Let's see... how do I begin? Well... I grew up in a "christian" family. That is to say that both of my parents were saved and we went to church. Umm... I don't remember much other than my sister and I were dropped off for sunday school and mom and dad would join us for church. So sometime around the age of 5 I "got saved", or "said the prayer" I really don't remember... but that is what I have been told. So yea... I just kinda went through my life... elementary and on to highschool where I seriously doubted my salvation. For years I have lived with the fear of "what if I didn't really mean it", because seriously - how much can you possible understand and promise as a 5 year old? I can't remember how many times I laid in my bed at night crying out to God to save me, night after night. Every time I was afraid that I wasn't "sincer" enough and that my words were just being received as ... words. I'm not quite sure when all that happened, high school is mostly a blur... I remember "rebelling" in 9th grade. As much as someone in my situation and of my personality could... :) In 10th grade I started getting my life back on track. I had a good youth pastor who cared enough to drag me into every youth group activity willing, or not. I stated doing devos and praying more. I had my ups and downs, but my walk was getting stronger. Then 12th grade rolled around and my world was thrown in a blender... most of it was my fault, but I lost my trust in God. I came to the conclusion that God was punishing me for past mistakes. I made a few more bad decisions and handled some situations badly. College was staring me in the face and I fought my parents the entire way there. My church split right before I left for college and I lost a lot of good friends. Umm... first semester was really hard, over Christmas I started getting involved with Ben. He had helped me a lot towards the end of my first semester and our friendship grew... He fell in love and then I did... my faith was really strong before we started dating. I abandoned it because I was afraid that if I was close to God he would just punish me again and take away the person who meant the most to me. So... it hasn't been until recently that I have decided to try and trust God and get right with him again, with my boyfriends persuading and encouragement. I shared my idea of staring a core group - the idea exploded and yea... that's what this is and this is where I was and where I am...